2:34am

i should be writing a paper.. 

but i am emotionally distraught 

so of course i'm blogging. 

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn't feel the same way 

or worse- you didn't know whether or not they felt the same because you were afraid to ask? 

ding ding ding- thats me ! 

the shyest girl in the room when that persons around, i get giddy and nervous, and ridiculously tongue tied and overly self analytical. i can't be clever, or witty, its hard for me to form sentences. its like i've been confronted by jesus himself and he's asked me whether i have sinned. (we both know the answer, ahem).. 

and i'm just trying to figure out why- WHY i can harmlessly flirt with every boy i'm not remotely attracted to but when it comes to him i am like a 9th grade girl who doesn't know how to express her feelings in a coherent manner, but just wishes he'll come up and hug me. 

have you ever had a crush on someone and wanted to text them or call them, but knew you didn't have shit to say? 

you- hey

them- hey

you- howre you

them- fine howre you 

you- good.. (uh.....)..how's school?

SCHOOL?! REALLY?! you know you don't wanna talk about school! so why in the world are bringing it up?! oh right because you're mind has turned to goo and you were so excited that your phone was vibrating and it was them texting you back - THAT YOU FORGOT TO THINK OF SOMETHING CLEVER TO SAY.

idk if you've been in that situation. 

but i have. 

and god forbid if anyone but them texts you while you're waiting for their response. 

cuz i be ignoring people. straight up, i'm like - YOU ARE NOT HIM, SO YOU CAN WAIT. 

and you may be saying to yourself, this girl is crazy- just let him know you like him. 

JUST DO IT !

this is not a motherfucking nike commercial. 

it is not that simple. 

for this reason - 

rejection is a bitch. i personally would rather live in doubt then have to deal with the fact that someone i'm emotionally attached to doesn't think of me in the same way.. even tho it sucks. 

but hey thats just me. one day i may have the courage to actually audibly express my feelings. 

but i highly doubt it. 

well now that i've got that weight off my chest, maybe i can go about my school work. 

aha sike ,

peace.